What's the worst thing I could say?

ingredients to a bad day

2006-05-30T05:35:56Z

1 part dad finding illegal substances

1 part being dumped

2 parts being ditched

too many parts getting upset over it.

it always turns out this way.

2006-05-29T06:28:37Z

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it’s just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you’ve followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he’ll say he’s just not the same
And you’ll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

mb20lvr04 @ 2006-05-10T11:11:00

2006-05-10T15:12:37Z

so its my birthday, bitches.

i have a boyfriend and hes better than yours.

im going to miami to see james blunt in about an hour.

im pretty much awesome.

mb20lvr04 @ 2006-03-30T12:31:00

2006-03-29T17:37:35Z

its been a while once again. so i figure i should write something down.

ive been so busy lately with work and school and whatnot, im never even on the computer anymore. its kinda weird. as sad as it is, my computer was almost as close to me as some friends a while back, i was addicted to it. but now, i go out and have fun with my friends and work and just dont even have the time to devote to it. its kinda nice. i mean, i miss having the time to relax and just play around on the internet, but i feel more...i dont know...like im living and not just sitting at home watching the time pass.

rambling. sorry.

i got my lip pierced again!!! im so excited to have it back. the only problem is that i have to be able to switch the ring out for the clear retainer thingy by the time i go to work tomorrow and i cant get the damn ring off! i dont really know what im gonna do about that one.

fall out boy makes me angry. infuriated. but theyre so damn catchy.

i started to kinda date someone. then he found out about my little penis problem (its not a big thing if you dont know what im referring to here) and after his reaction, im not sure if we are dating anymore. whatever. asshole.

but i like him.

i got tickets to see the sounds, morningwood and action action. fucking MORNINGWOOD! im ecstatic. is that how you spell that? it looks funny.

alright, im reading over this and realizing that i am boring, so i wont bother with anymore. have a good one.

mb20lvr04 @ 2006-02-03T00:54:00

2006-02-03T05:55:11Z

here is my attempt at posting a picture of my tattoo on here.

what do you think?

mb20lvr04 @ 2006-02-02T23:58:00

2006-02-02T04:57:26Z

i am in tampa. i just got a tattoo. im ecstatic. i will post a picture most likely tomorrow. i love it. woo.

i never use this anymore

2006-01-10T06:19:50Z

so christmas break was fantastic. i did miss out on seeing some people *cough cough* but things are hectic, i understand. suprisingly...i seemed to have a found a new boy to play with. just a part-time gig tho. speaking of gigs, i got to go take pictures for this band at a hard rock live concert they played at...it was awesome. i got to go backstage, in all the dressing rooms, the green room, and i got to sit on couches that all of my favorite rock stars have sat on. so cool. anyhoo...yea. all i do is go to work and attend school with a bunch of ese rejects. thats about it. hope everyone had great holidays.

mb20lvr04 @ 2005-12-17T00:53:00

2005-12-17T05:57:42Z

so its been a while. im working at red lobster now. you should come visit me if you're in the area and hungry. its not bad, i make ok money, i just hate serving people. i really hate that. but o well, whatever pays the bills, right? lets see....whats been happening? i saw hellogoodbye in concert and met the lead singer. that was exciting...pictures are on my myspace (www.myspace.com/lyndseyflowers) if you are curious. christmas is coming up. thats always exciting. i knocked out 90% of my christmas shopping in a matter of two days with only $120. im proud of my bargain skills. i am done with this term of school. i made three As and a B, which makes it my best semester so far. woo. i think im going to go to pcc for spring, just so i dont have to drive to tampa so often and i can save up some more money to move out again. hmmm....anything else? well, im dating a couple of people, nothing too serious. i miss kayleigh (hoping she reads this). she should definetly call me to hang out asap. so should everyone else. i like hanging out with people. well, im pooped and must work doubles the next two days...so im off. addington out! god i hate that man....

mb20lvr04 @ 2005-12-05T15:27:00

2005-12-05T20:28:27Z

i went to next big thing yesterday....it was alright. kinda boring. i didnt like the majority of the bands there, and i passed out a couple of times...but you know, i got to see gerard, so it was worth it. by the way, winter haven people should go to red lobster and sit in my section and leave me a good tip :)

mb20lvr04 @ 2005-11-25T02:05:00

2005-11-25T07:07:32Z

so. i broke up with my boyfriend. im getting pissed. hes already talking to other girls. but im quite buzzed at the moment, so im not as angry as i would be. i guess thats good. hope everyone had a good thanksgiving. gobble. gobble. gobble.

so this is how i feel

2005-11-19T02:14:00Z

im depressed/anxious/stressed 95% of the time. i know i do nothing to bitch, but you would too. you should go listen to feeling left out. now.

You're running free at record speed
My legs are crushed - my arms they bleed
Inside of me turns like a washing a machine
While outside I form a smoke screen

What happened to that girl I knew?
You look like her, but this can't be you
You're traveling to the Upper East Side
Make sure you enjoy the skyline

The rain comes down and hits my window
Proves to be
The rain is knocking at my window
Source of company

What if I Died?
Would it make any difference now
I know I'll feel better in the morning
But this is how I feel right now

If you need anything just call
The understatement of the year
Waving to an empty window
Once filled by your shadow

Disappear before my eyes
Before my eyes have time to cry
Help myself to a plate of
dissatisfaction

fuck me in the ass.

2005-11-06T06:01:43Z

so lets see. my boyfriend is ignoring me. winter haven people suck. i live in winter haven. im bored all the time. im sober all the time. i got punched in my lip. which led to the loss of my favoritist piercing. i cant stop crying.

mb20lvr04 @ 2005-10-29T00:04:00

2005-10-29T04:04:23Z

i've never felt more alone than i do right now.

i'm just ready to move on to that part in my life where everything is okay and under control.

mb20lvr04 @ 2005-10-23T01:02:00

2005-10-23T05:03:08Z

i'm moving back to winter haven.

i failed at the real world thing.

long time, no journal love.

2005-10-21T04:37:48Z

so its been a while since ive written here...things have been a bit hectic.

1. i have a boy. i like him bunches. he likes me more.

2. i am currently unemployed. never give up job opportunities for some shitty babysitting nazi...it will screw you up in the long run.

3. i am in horrible financial debt. no need to go into detail there, it just sucks.

4. i have straight A's!!! its been a while since ive had that...but i have been working my ass off at the whole school thing.

5. i miss kayleigh...we never talk anymore. busy lives create conflict with communication. but i have a proposition for her.

6. i got my haircut today. i went short...but it didnt turn out like i was hoping...guess i'll be investing in some hats.

7. family is good, we're all finally getting along.

8. still havent gotten laid in quite a while. i'm trying to hold out, but its getting harder and harder to do so.

9. i love cap'n crunch.

that about sums it up...any questions?

mb20lvr04 @ 2005-10-06T12:59:00

2005-10-06T16:59:57Z

well last night was very unexpected and quite eventful.

wow. thats about all i can say. just wow.

i feel obligated..

2005-10-03T02:41:21Z

Leave your name(via comment) and
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

mb20lvr04 @ 2005-10-02T00:57:00

2005-10-02T04:58:52Z

so ive been emo for about 4 hours now. my friends suck and i keep expected more from them, only to be let down. o well, now i have my good friend captain morgan and his buddy pepsi. im getting shit faced by myself.

it hurts.

he wrote me a poem.

2005-10-01T01:35:48Z

ok, any guy that would sit down and write me a poem that made me cry a little bit has to be worth my time....

These posters on the walls stare at me under the light of a picture of a princess fighting the dark as i write this...

There motionless faces seem to agree with what spills onto this canvas like a bottle of wine from my seamingly beatless heart....

For you i find myself shaking my damaged hair away from my eyes in fear that ill miss the next smile....

The walls could never be so thick as to prevent me from enjoying the next child-like burst of laughter that will roll off of your lips.....

I am so intranced by your being that a cut on your arm would surely bleed from my broken body....

As the shadow of the guitar bounces off the white walls of my empty room it reminds me of a song once sang to a sunrise at night...

A once pointless soul is used to point the way through the forest, and the hand, never before used, will be done so to comfort during the intense moments of uncertandy....

So lets write our thoughts out of a pile of already used ciggarettes as we talk through the night....

And what is said is ill be your knight if you be my day...

So lets lose ourselves...

mb20lvr04 @ 2005-09-29T12:28:00

2005-09-29T16:32:07Z

alright....so theres this guy that i am seriously considering dating. theres just one little dilemma. (and this is going to sound pathetic, so go ahead and scroll down your friends list to the next person's entry)

ive wanted a boyfriend for such a long time and its never really gotten close to happenning. But this one, this one has a great chance of happenning. and i want it to. i think. i cant tell if i like him so much because we get along and have a good time and i like his personality...or if maybe im just thinking i do because i know if i return his feelings, he'll be my boyfriend without a doubt. make sense? i dont know. i just like to overanalyze things and think about them so much i turn myself away from the idea at all.

thats it. im done.

mb20lvr04 @ 2005-09-23T00:27:00

2005-09-23T04:25:38Z

I wonder when people will realize that the "scene" has become homogeneous. It's full of 14 year old girls with uneven bangs, black and white striped shirts, and tattered low-top black Chuck Taylors, who swoon over homosexual kissing and pathetic whiny lyrics and overuse the symbols.

Their favorite quote is, invariably, "The truth is you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt" because it like, so totally describes their relationship with that one HAWT sophomore who totally ripped their hearts out when they were like, SO in love with him.

Their favorite type of music is, of course, "emo, screamo, and hardcore", three terms which, in their minds, invariably include the bands Taking Back Sunday, Thrice, and Hawthorne Heights.

Their AIM screennames often include x's, the words "electrikk", "disaster", or some play on their favorite song from their favorite band, you know, the one they saw on MTV like a couple times, but shouldn't be on MTV because they're like, way too emo for that.

They take hundreds of black and white pictures with way too much contrast of themselves looking plaintively down at the ground, pointing a gun made of their fingers at their heads, or kissing the camera while displaying their expert application of lip gloss around their labret piercing and the thick dark eyeliner that circles their eyes.

They embrace the "dork" that is inside their polished, fashionable exteriors by writing in their LiveJournals or Xangas about how they and their friends had a 'BackStreet Boys sing-a-long at one of their sleepovers because, remember, 'BackStreet Boys is soooo not popular anymore and they like, sooo wouldn't follow any of the fads of today, so they embrace the fads of yesterday.

They adore "retro fashion", meaning anything from the 80's, because they totally used to wear neon colors and big beaded bracelets, even though they were born in, at the earliest, 1988 and remember jack shit about the fashion and culture of the 80's.

It's full of "emo boys" who often are difficult to differentiate from "emo girls", who have meaningless tattoos even though they're 15, smoke a lot of cigarettes, drink a lot of hard liquor, and are in some shitty band that plays a couple of gigs in someone's basement because they're "too cool to go mainstream" when really, they just suck.

They weigh roughly 90 pounds, wear girls' jeans that hug their asses in just the right places, belts buckled somewhere around the side of their right leg, tight striped 80's style polo shirts or band t-shirts, and skater shoes, even though they don't skate because that's soooo lame.

They write awful poetry about the dark abyss of their souls and how the gun is pointed at their heads, the trigger poised to blast away the bloody memories of a failed romance. They cried when Blink-182 broke up, and they have a secret obsession with Avril Lavigne because, like, she really IS kinda hot even though her music totally sucks.

They spend more time at the mirror than their female counterparts do, making sure that the long black shock of hair at the front of their heads lies covering one eye just so, that their lip piercing is perfectly placed so that it looks hot when they kiss other boys, that their pants are the right degree of tightness so as not to exude gayness.

Emo boys and girls often use the suffix "Xcore" to describe themselves, using a number of adjectives or nouns to accomplish this task. This is a play off hardcore music, or "hXc". Some of these descriptive words include "fashionXcore", "retroXcore", or even "yournamehereXcore."

This way of speaking is retarded or nonsensical to everyone else except those "in the scene", but it totally doesn't matter because they're too nonconformistXcore for anyone to truly understand their "scene".

They couldn't name a Sunny Day Real Estate or Rites of Spring song if it came up and bit them on their Gap Jeans-clad asses, and they claim to like the Smiths because Jesse Lacey of Brand New said they were cool.

Sure, they listen to some new "hardcore" bands, but they're all pretty much the same five bands:
1. Taking Back Sunday
2. Senses Fail
3. Thrice
4. Hawthorne Heights
5. Story of the Year
To these promising young firecrackers, music takes a backseat to fashion in their scene of choice.

Emo girls just want to kiss emo boys, emo boys just want to kiss other emo boys, and they all want to wear tight pants and take lots of pictures of themselves. End of story. Because honestly? It's electrikk!

mb20lvr04 @ 2005-09-20T03:05:00

2005-09-20T07:05:50Z

guess what i just got...

a pair of adorable black slip on-ish diesels. a $90 pair for $20. go me.

you want nothing to do with me

2005-09-15T04:24:41Z

things are looking up. well, i think theyre still the same, but my outlook is getting better. i still get really angry really easily, but in all other aspects, i pretty much just stopped worrying. i quit caring about shit so its not bothering me as much. thats another way to solve the problem i guess.

mb20lvr04 @ 2005-09-08T23:43:00

2005-09-09T03:43:35Z

ok, so there was definetly something fkd up in the heavens today. could anything else have possibly gone wrong? i doubt it.

heres to a better tomorrow.

mb20lvr04 @ 2005-09-08T13:08:00

2005-09-08T17:08:59Z

i've had it. i've just had enough of this bullshit.